TRISTAN: So, you finally asked her out?
JAMES: I don't think I handled it very well, but, yes we have a date.
You don't seem very pleased about it, James.
I'm still not sure that Helen wants to come out with me.
Well, she accepted, didn't she?
I don't think I gave her much chance to refuse.
Really, James, you must have more confidence in yourself.
It's not a question of confidence.
I'm just not sure that the time is right, that's all.
(CHURCH BELLS RINGING)
Well, you've taken the plunge now, my boy.
So what's your plan?
-Plan? -Yes, plan.
Now, in my experience, the first date with a woman is the make or break time.
It's the event that separates the winners from the also-rans.
-And you do want to succeed, don't you, James? -Yes, of course. But...
Well, success doesn't just happen, you know. It has to be planned.
-Have you decided where to take her? -Well...
(SIGHING) Not yet.
Believe me, James.
You're headed for trouble if you persist in this casual attitude.
Where do you suggest I take her then?
Well, it must be somewhere special.
Somewhere she'll never forget. You agree?
Yes.
But Darrowby doesn't exactly glitter with nightlife, does it?
Oh, forget Darrowby.
No, you take her out of town.
-In fact, James, take her to the Reniston. -The Reniston?
-It's only the most luxurious hotel outside of London. -Aye.
Take her to the dinner-dance there.
It's a brilliant idea.
Don't think can't afford your brilliant ideas, Tris.
So, it costs you a packet, so what?
At least Helen will know you're a man of some refinement,
-not some yokel vet with carbolic in his veins. -(PIGS GRUNTING)
Quiet, you pack of greedy muck-makers, or you'll all stay hungry!
The sooner we get rid of that lot, the better.
This whole experiment in home-raised bacon is a washout.
Siegfried thinks we should be self sufficient.
Oh, well see, Siegfried is full of bright ideas.
He doesn't have to look after the greedy little...
-James, I've got some driving for you. -Right.
-What's that smell? -(PIGS GRUNTING)
Ugh.
-All right, James, when you're ready, please. -Mmm-hmm.
(DOOR CLOSING)
Siegfried nailed up that sign, and banged his thumb with a hammer.
If he catches you smoking in here...
If, my boy, if.
Siegfried, you see, lacks the basic cunning.
He'll have to get up pretty early in the day to catch me.
Ah-ha! Caught you!
Right, little brother, your tribulations are about to begin.
Now, let's see... Ah, yes, the pigsty.
I think a thorough mucking-out is called for.
But it's your turn to muck out.
Not anymore. You know the rules, no smoking in the surgery!
What about you? You're smoking, aren't you?
It's an entirely different matter.
I'm simply passing through.
Come on, James!
Off we go!
-(SIEGFRIED WHISTLING) -(CHUCKLING)
-(SIGHING) -(DOOR SLAMMING)
(JAMES VOCALISING)
It's all right, old thing. It's all right.
Now, what are you doing all the way out here, eh? Hmm?
What are you doing all the way out here? You're lost, aren't you?
Let's take a look at your paw.
Just going to see.
Come on.
We'd better get those paws seen to.
Up we go, old thing.
(GROANING) There we go.
That's it.
Come on.
Good boy. Oh! Uh!
Good dog.
Well, he's a grand old dog, James.
What on earth are we going to do with him?
We could send him down to the police kennels, of course,
but then if he's not claimed...
We're back where we started, aren't we?
Couldn't we ask around the practice?
Yeah, the trouble is
nobody seems to want a dog when there's one going spare.
Exactly.
-He was dumped, wasn't he? -Mmm.
It makes me so angry.
I'll tell you who'll take him in.
Sister Rose from the Topley Banks Hospital.
-Sister Rose? -Hmm, they did a spread on her in the local rag.
Something about her caring for stray animals in her spare time.
Oh dear, Tristan.
She's got up a sort of, uh,
voluntary animal shelter, James.
-This should be right up her street. -Hmm.
They are curious, aren't they?
You've got Tricky Woo at one end of the scale
and this little blighter at the other.
That's what I'll do,
I'll give Sister Rose a buzz straight away.
What?
(SINGING)
Come on, old thing.
Here we are.
(SIEGFRIED CHATTERING LOUDLY ON PHONE)
Little pain, it's all ended.
-He'll be as right as rain as soon as he's slept it off. -Mmm-hmm.
-Tell me, James. Have you spoken to Helen? -SIEGFRIED: Yes, that's it.
-I rang her this morning. -The Reniston's on then?
-Yes. -Attaboy!
How did she react?
(SIGHING) Well, pretty oddly now I think of it.
She kept asking if I was sure I wanted to go there.
See, she's impressed.
Uh, that wasn't quite the feeling I got.
More like she was questioning my sanity, with very good reason.
You realise this little do is going to put me in hock
for about a month's wages, don't you?
So it costs you a packet. So what?
Just think of the fun you'll have.
You and Helen full of lobster thermidor
smooching to all that oozy music.
That reminds me. Do I need to book for this dinner-dance thing?
No, no, no. You just turn up on the night.
You'll need the right kind of gear though. You got some?
Yes.
I hope it's all right, I haven't worn it for years.
(SIEGFRIED CONTINUES CHATTERING)
-Don't worry, my boy. You've got it made. -SIEGFRIED: Goodbye!
(BELL RINGING)
Good morning! Is Mr. Farnon in?
He's at breakfast, ma'am.
Could you tell him Sister Rose from the animal shelter is here, please?
-Oh, uh, would you come in. -Thank you.
Haven't I told you all! Price of pig meat's gone up again.
-Cleverest thing we ever did, buying that litter of pigs. -Mmm-hmm.
I take it you do not agree.
You should try looking after them sometime.
Oh, rubbish! Anybody with half a brain could cope.
Sister Rose to see you, Mr. Farnon.
-Aha! That'll be for you James. -Uh-huh.
Right.
If you think that, why don't you look after them?
The trouble with you, Tristan, is that you lack a positive approach.
Good morning.
Sister Rose?
-James Herriot. -Oh, yes.
Mr. Farnon said you found the dog.
Yes, he was sitting on the edge of the top road to Broughton.
His pads were torn, but otherwise he's in fine shape.
He had no identification?
No and we checked with the police.
There was no report that he was missing.
He certainly seems to have been well looked after.
Yes.
There are no obvious signs of cruelty or neglect.
Do you think you'll be able to find a home for him?
Oh, I'm sure we will.
-At least we'll have a jolly good try at it. -Mmm.
With all your work at the hospital it amazes me
that you find time to cope with stray animals.
Well, someone has to do it, Mr. Herriot.
In my case,
it started when I found a pregnant bitch
who'd been dumped from a moving car.
Finding homes for the puppies,
I suppose people came to assume that I was in the business
of waifs and strays.
And once you're involved there's simply no going back.
But how on earth do you manage to feed them all?
Oh, I... I run little dog shows,
coffee mornings, jumble sales...
Anything to bring in a little extra cash.
Even so, it can't be easy.
Well, my charges do have a habit of munching themselves into the red.
-(CHUCKLING) -But we manage.
I'm very grateful to you for taking him in.
Come on, old thing.
(GROANING) Up we go. That's it.
-Pip. -Hmm?
I think I'll call him Pip, Mr. Herriot.
It helps if they have a name.
Pip! Pip! Pip?
-Right, you little pipsqueak. -(CHUCKLING)
Time we were off.
I hope you manage to find a home for him.
I'm sure we'll have no trouble.
-Good bye, Mr. Herriot. -Good bye.
-TRISTAN: Perfect. -Perfect?
The wretched thing doesn't fit.
-It's too late to hire one. -Nonsense, you look marvellous.
My word, James, you look out for the kill tonight.
-Anyone I know? -Yeah, he's giving Helen Alderson a whirl.
(STAMMERING) That's what all those secret confabs
with little brother here were about!
I approve, James.
But be warned,
many are called but few are chosen with that particular young lady.
Thank you for those few encouraging words, Siegfried.
Well, I must be off.
Promised mother I'd look in tonight.
-Good luck, James. -Thank you.
(CHUCKLING) You're going to need it!
(CHUCKLING) Come on, boy!
-(DOG BARKING) -SIEGFRIED: Hey! Stop that!
Well, I be better be off too, Tris.
Have you got everything? Cash for tips, cheque book?
Yes, everything.
Now, remember, confidence,
assurance,
but above all, boldness!
And the day, not the night, is yours.
I only wish that...
Hello, Helen!
-I'm not too early, am I? -No, of course not.
-What a wretched evening! -Yes.
Shall we go?
I'm sorry. Of course.
That's it.
-(ENGINE SPUTTERING) -How are the roads?
Oh, there's a little bit of flooding her and there.
Nothing to worry about.
(STARTING ENGINE)
We're off then.
Cold?
No, not really. Just a bit of a draft.
-I've been meaning to get those floorboards fixed. -(CHUCKLES)
I'm fine, really.
At least it's stopped raining.
Puncture, I think.
Yes, it seems so.
JAMES: Oh!
HELEN: Are you all right?
Oh.
(DOOR SLAMMING)
-(SIGHING) -(CHUCKLES)
What are you going to do?
Mend the puncture.
I mean about those shoes of yours.
I'm not sure there's anything I can do.
You'll have to change them.
I can't. It's the only pair I've got.
Oh! You can't wear them, James. They're soaking wet.
It's all right, Helen.
I'll mend the puncture, take them off
and they'll dry out before we get to the Reniston.
-You'll see. -Don't be absurd, James.
Mend the puncture and we'll go back home.
My father has a pair of dress shoes you can borrow.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
(PEOPLE CHATTERING)
-At least it stopped raining. -Yes.
(TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
JAMES: Good evening.
Good evening.
-How are the shoes? -Fine, fine.
They pinch just a trifle, but they're fine.
Do you think they're suitable?
Well, at least they're dry!
It's very odd, but we seem to be the only people here in evening clothes.
Waiter!
We'd like to book for the dinner-dance, please.
Dinner-dance? You must be mistaken, sir.
Dinner-dances do not commence until September,
unless by special arrangement.
(WHISPERING) But Tristan said...
It doesn't matter, James.
Well, at least we can eat.
-You do want to eat, don't you? -We might as well.
You do want to stay?
-Certainly, if I'm still invited? -Yes.
Yes, of course.
Thank you, very much.
JAMES: Siegfried!
James!
Fancy seeing you. Helen!
-Hello, Mr. Farnon. -Ah, you look absolutely devastating.
You watch out for this scally young Scots colleague of mine.
Still waters run deep, you know.
Uh, James but what are you wearing on your feet?
-It's a long story. -Oh, is it?
Well, I mustn't dawdle, I promised to look in on Mother.
-So, uh, have the most enormous fun. -Thank you.
Hello! What an extraordinary chance seeing you, Jill. Come with me.
I'll tell you what we'll do. We'll, uh, have a drink, why don't you...
(CHUCKLES)
-Shall we go in? -Yes.
-Oh! -There we are.
You booked, sir?
No, I'm sorry. We'd like a table for two, please.
-You are staying, sir. -Staying?
Yes, yes, we're staying, aren't we? Yes.
-This way, sir. -Thank you.
(CLEARING THROAT)
Thank you.
Your room number, if you please, sir?
Room number?
You are staying, sir?
Oh, that "staying"!
No, we're staying to eat, that is.
-Not staying. -No.
Perhaps you would care to order, sir?
Yes, well, let's see.
Yours, I believe, sir.
(CHUCKLING)
-It's too painful, Tris. -Really?
-I just don't want to talk about it. -Rubbish.
Of course you do. Now tell me what went wrong?
Just about everything.
But, it was a perfectly planned and executed offensive.
It was a disaster! I shouldn't have asked her out.
Then let's examine what went wrong.
Now, tell me.
How did you part when you took her home?
Somewhat silently.
Well not even a good night kiss?
I can remember a handshake.
A handshake!
James, this is 1937!
Handshakes went out with the Gladstone bag.
-Let's just face it, Tristan. She doesn't fancy me. -It's as bad as that?
Worse! You and your nonexistent dinner-dances!
Oh, we mustn't brood, must we?
-I just want to forget all about it. -Well, so you shall.
I personally shall see to it.
-How? -Just leave it to me.
(PIGS GRUNTING)
-What on earth's all that? -(SIEGFRIED SHOUTING)
-Siegfried inspecting our hand-reared bacon! -Oh! (CHUCKLING)
SIEGFRIED: Blast them!
-Siegfried! You... -What have I done?
What the hell do you think you're doing
sitting around in here while I'm outside there
-being trampled to death by your pigs? -My pigs?
What happened?
They're gone! Stampeded! Running wild!
Even now savaging the inhabitants of Darrowby.
That's what's happened and it's entirely his fault!
Mine? I have not moved from here all morning.
Exactly! You should have been out there.
But they're your pigs, you bought them.
Then in that case I shall un-buy them.
Now get out there and get them back
and when you've done that,
sell the lot!
-With pleasure. -(GROANS)
(SIGHING)
What are you doing, James?
Don't be silly.
-James? -Umm-hmm?
-You know that gypsy encampment by the river? -Yes.
I want you to get out there as soon as you're finished up here.
There's a pony needs looking at.
You're much better with horses than I am, Siegfried.
Yes, I know. But I've got too much on.
And this seems urgent.
Chap's name is Myatt.
Now make absolutely sure that you get paid.
These chaps are never in the same place two days running.
Fair enough.
(SIGHING)
Something wrong, Siegfried?
God help us, James!
Have you the faintest idea how much that stuff costs per foot?
And that dusting powder you're so generously chucking about!
There must be half a pound inside that dog.
I'm sorry, Siegfried. I was just doing what I thought was right.
Yes, of course you are.
Now don't think I don't appreciate it, James
but one of these days you're going to have your own practice
and then you'll very soon learn about the economic side of things.
So, be a good fella and watch it.
All right?
-Yes? -Good.
(MUTTERING) Oh, God, look at this. That damned pigsty.
Mrs. Hall!
JAMES: Hello, Helen! Hello there, Jill!
Can you open the gate, please?
(ENGINE REVVING)
Thank you.
-Where are the gypsies staying? -Over there.
Oh, thanks.
-Mr. Myatt? -Aye.
James Herriot.
I believe you have a sick pony here?
-You'll be the vet, then. -That's right.
Thanks!
Thanks, Mr. Myatt.
-Now may I see the pony, please? -Over in paddock.
All right. Come on.
Let's see if we can get him to move.
(STRAINING) Go on.
Oh!
(SIGHING)
All right, leave it.
I'll give him a shot of something to ease the pain.
He will get well, won't he, sir?
We'll do what we can for him.
Anything I can do?
You can soak his feet in cold water.
You can dose him with this every four hours.
I've seen horses lose their hooves and die of this sickness.
It's the children, Mr. Herriot.
Yes, I know.
I'll have a look at him again tomorrow.
(SINGING) # Oh, little pigs, they grunt and howl
# The dogs bow-wow, the cats meow
# Everybody makes a row down on Jollity Farm #
(WHISTLING)
You sound happy.
It's a glorious day, James.
The very last supper for that pack of evil muck-makers.
-Oh, they're going then? -Yes, it's all arranged.
They're on a one way trip to the bacon factory.
(CHUCKLING) Life here won't be the same without them.
James, please. It really is for the best.
Yes, I know but somehow, I'll miss 'em.
-Won't you? -Yes.
Still, domestic harmony is one thing and bacon quite another.
And ne'er the twain shall meet.
Oh, by the way, before I forget,
it's all fixed up for Saturday night.
What's all fixed up?
You are, we all are.
We're going to that young farmers' dance at Poulton.
Now wait a minute. What's all this "we" business?
You know Brenda?
Oh, the nurse you knock around with, yes.
I fixed you up with her mate, Connie.
A blind date! Forget it!
Oh, stop flapping.
Now believe me, James. It's just what you need.
There's no sense in mooning about over Helen.
You show her my boy!
Others are keen even if she's not.
Besides, you'll like Connie.
-She's heard all about you and she's raring to go. -Oh.
-What's she like? -Wait and see.
Right, you greedy pigs!
For the last time.
Come and get it.
-Come and get it! -(PIGS GRUNTING)
From Myatt.
Oh, er...
Yes, very good.
Well done, you.
He's a nice bloke, Siegfried.
-Mmm-hmm. -Very concerned about his animal.
What's the trouble?
(SIGHING) It's the worst case of laminitis I've ever seen.
I couldn't move the pony at all.
It's obviously going through hell.
Acute laminitis, not much hope then?
Well, we tried the usual things.
But it didn't make any difference, damn it!
Even if it survives the acute stage,
it's bound to end up with deformed feet,
-grooved hooves, dropped soles, the lot! -Yes, of course it is.
(SIGHING) I wish to God there was something we could do.
Well, till the present state of our knowledge improves,
I'm afraid there isn't much.
I was hoping that you could do something, Siegfried.
Huh?
You do have a special way with horses.
-When are you going out again? -Tomorrow.
Mmm-hmm.
Well, there is one thing I could try.
-What's that? -Ah!
I'd better not tell you, you'd probably disapprove.
-Huh! -(PHONE RINGING)
-James, they're in here. -JAMES: Let's move this.
SIEGFRIED: Damn thing's are under here.
Darrowby 85.
(MEN CONTINUE CHATTING)
All right, Sister Rose.
Will you hold the line? I'll see if I can find him.
All right. Don't take it out of the room.
(EXHALES) There we are.
-Mr. Herriot, Sister Rose on the phone for you. -Oh.
-Take it for me, would you, Tris, please. -Right you are.
Oh-ho-ho! Yeah!
What is this, Siegfried?
Your own animal inquisition kit?
SIEGFRIED: It belonged to old Grant, my predecessor.
There's not much call for this sort of thing these scientific days.
Ah!
A fleam, Siegfried?
Look, you're not going to bleed Myatt's pony?
That sort of treatment went out with the Ark.
Now, now, James, don't knock me about the head.
You said yourself the usual treatments hadn't worked.
Have you ever used this sort of thing before?
-Yes. Once or twice. -And?
Well, there's no telling what may happen,
but curious things can when you use this little outfit.
Sister Rose is very upset, James.
-What's wrong? -That stray dog you found.
Well, she's been keeping it in the house
and today it found an open window.
-Oh, no! -I told her we'd alert the local people
to keep their eyes open for it.
Poor little beggar.
Never mind, James, you can't win 'em all.
We'll just have to see what we can do with Myatt's pony.
-Any change, Mr. Myatt? -No, no change.
Well, let's have a look at him, shall we?
Ah, er...
Thank you.
(WHISTLING)
-Hello, you two. -Hello.
SIEGFRIED: Now then, Mr. Myatt,
let's see what we can do.
The rope, James.
(MUTTERING) Right then, old boy.
Come on. Come on. Come on. Here you go.
-Take a hank of that, will you? -Mmm-hmm.
Thank you, James.
Tighten the rope, James.
That's it.
There we go, there we go.
Slacken the rope.
-Is that it? -That's it.
It doesn't seem to have made any difference.
Well, it'll take a little while to work.
If it works.
It's in the lap of the gods now.
All right.
Stitch it up if you please, James.
What the devil are you up to, James?
JAMES: Up to? What do you mean?
Messing about with little bits of gear like that.
-You mean me new economy measures. -Economy?
Are you out of your mind?
Here, get out of the way.
Cotton wool.
(SIGHING)
Powder.
-(COUGHING) -(SNEEZING)
Sorry to push you out like that, James, but honestly...
You were like an old hen
fussing about with those piddling amounts of materials.
-Siegfried, you said quite clearly... -No excuses, James.
Believe me, in this game you have to operate with...
Well, with a certain amount of panache. Get the point?
Siegfried, cast your mind back to our conversation...
Never mind about the past, James.
It's the future that we're interested in.
(CHUCKLING) You Scots, I don't know!
I know you have an obsession about thrift,
but there are limits.
You're impossible.
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING)
(DOOR CLOSING)
Evening, Mr. Herriot. Had a good day?
-Awful. Thank you, Mrs. Hall. -I'm sorry about that.
You're back late, James.
Let's just say it's been one of those days.
I have a bone to pick with Siegfried
about some so-called docile cows he sent me to see.
Where is he?
He's still in the surgery.
Anyway, are you all set for tomorrow night?
-Tomorrow night? -Yes, tomorrow night.
-Saturday, remember? -Oh, yes...
(SIGHING) It's the dance, isn't it?
You sure it's a good idea, Tris?
Well, you can't back out now.
The girls would have my guts for garters.
-Yes, I suppose so. -Marvellous.
I say, James, you're not still mooning about over Helen, are you?
Well, she hasn't entirely been out of my mind.
Put it down to experience.
You know, she's got another bloke, don't you?
-Richard Edmundson. -Yes.
Well, I've seen them together a couple of times.
She's never indicated he's anything special.
You know lot of people have predicted
those two might make a go of it one of these days.
-No, I didn't. -Well, certainly Helen's father would like to see
things move in that direction.
Old Edmundson's filthy rich, you know.
Well, you can't blame him for that.
Well, I only remind you so that
"forewarned is forearmed", so to speak.
-Cheers. -I didn't think that anyone
as attractive as Helen could be footloose and fancy free.
Cheers!
(BIRD CHIRPING)
(SIEGFRIED SINGING CHEERFULLY)
He thinks his ankle will be better stopping.
That's why he keeps stopping.
Hello, Mr. Myatt.
Uh, just thought we'd say goodbye, Mr. Herriot. We're leaving now.
-How's the pony? -Uh, he's still a bit stiff, but he's on t'mend.
Good.
Uh, me and children would both like to thank you both for what you did.
Thank you, sir.
Thank you.
Thank you, sir.
Good luck.
I'd have lost that pony but for you, Siegfried.
I hadn't a clue how it'd work.
-But it worked. -Well...
All good vets are really witchdoctors at heart, you know.
He'll be much better now, Mrs. Holroyd.
There you are, Billy boy. Time you were going home.
Oh!
-Thank you. -Thank you.
-Bye-bye. -Thank you so much.
One more case, James. Couple called Plenderleith.
Oh, show them in, Tris, then you can go.
-Mr. and Mrs. Plenderleith? -Yes.
-Come in please. -Oh, thank you. Come on.
-MR. PLENDERLEITH: Thank you. -TRISTAN: I won't keep you a moment.
Oh, you're not Mr. Farnon, Mr. Siegfried Farnon, are you?
James Herriot, his junior colleague.
-My dear... -Well, we'd rather hoped to see Mr. Farnon in person.
I'm afraid Mr. Farnon's out on morning calls, can I help?
-I take it you are properly qualified, Mr. Herriot? -Of course.
It's just that we want the best advice for our dog here, you see.
Well, let's see what we can do.
Come on, boy, up you come.
There we go.
That's a good dog.
Well, he seems to be in very good condition.
We'd like you to give him a most thorough checkup, Mr. Herriot.
Have you had him long?
Oh, just a matter of some days.
Uh, that's why we're here.
You see, I have to confess
my wife and I have never owned an animal before.
May I ask where you got him?
Locally, Mr. Herriot.
Now, umm, if I may continue...
I believe in doing things thoroughly. Yes.
And with that view in mind I've made a few notes on the subject of dog-keeping.
Now, uh, "Number one."
Yes, "Would you please diagnose the brown mark on his abdomen?"
Oh, that's nothing. Just a patch of pigmentation.
Mr. Plenderleith.
Uh, "Number two."
Uh, "Kindly inoculate against distemper and associated diseases."
He has already been inoculated.
And how, pray, do you come to that conclusion?
I did it myself not five days ago.
I think I should tell you both that I do know this dog.
I see.
Then you will know that we took him in as a stray.
Oh, yes. And I know where he strayed from.
Oh, dear.
I told you, my dear, he was bound to belong to someone.
Mr. Herriot, my wife and I are childless.
Now that we are both pensioned off, so to speak,
well, we had it in mind to buy a dog of our own,
then this little chap came along.
He found us, Mr. Herriot. Followed us home on our walk.
To be frank, we've become rather fond of him
so much so that we were prepared to keep him,
but of course, it's absurd he must be returned to his owners.
You agree, my dear?
Would you both like to keep him?
But, you just said...
No, I said that I knew where he'd strayed from,
that's not absolutely true.
You see before he strayed, this dog, Pip, was in an animal shelter.
He was in fact, looking for a home.
Oh, dear.
He'll find one with us, Mr. Herriot.
You have my word on it.
Well, we'll have to clear it with Sister Rose at the animal shelter,
but I'm sure she'll be very happy to let you have him.
Oh!
Oh. (CHUCKLING)
Mr. Herriot!
James?
Oh.
-Hello. -Hello.
I wanted to ring and thank you for our night out.
I thought you might want to forget about it.
(LAUGHS) It was great fun.
-Oh, really? -Of course.
It had its moments of disaster though, didn't it?
Too many! (CHUCKLES)
How's the work?
Oh, fine,
though I don't think the local people would agree.
Yes. They take a bit of getting used to, don't they?
Yes.
Well, I'd better be off.
Thank you again, James.
-Oh, Helen? -Yes?
Perhaps we could do it again sometime?
Go out, I mean!
That would be lovely.
Goodbye, James.
Goodbye, Helen.
(WHISTLING)
There you are.
Ta.
(RAUCOUS LAUGHTER)
Now, this isn't the dance hall!
This establishment is the home of the finest draught ale in Yorkshire.
-Trissy? -Mmm-hmm?
Could you show me where the ladies' is?
Oh, the ladies, yes.
It's through that door, turn left
and it's the first large field you come to.
(LAUGHS)
Off you go. We'll set them up for you.
Silly! Come on, Connie.
Well, James, what do you think?
She's a bit, umm...
A bit overpowering, isn't she?
Generous is the word I'd choose, James.
Both in proportion and inclination.
-Sit down, I'll order the drinks. -Right.
Hello, Mr. Farnon. Are you very well?
Never better, Mr. Worley.
Perhaps, you'd be kind enough to bring us
two pints and two halves of your best?
Coming right up, Mr. Farnon.
-Evening, gents. -MEN: Evening.
Prepare yourself for the experience of a lifetime.
(LAUGHS) Oh, well!
-Ah! -Find what you wanted, ladies?
Oh, it's the biggest, coldest lav in the world out there!
(ALL LAUGHING)
Tris has told me all about you, James.
-Nothing too drastic, I hope. -(LAUGHS)
-But he didn't tell me you were shy. -Shy?
By Jove, James, that's fast work!
You look after my girlfriend, James Herriot,
-or you'll get what for. -(LAUGHS)
Oh!
Try that then, Mr. Farnon.
JAMES: Bravo!
You, Mr. Worley, are an artist. I salute you.
And keep them coming, if you please.
(BAND PLAYING ROMANTIC MUSIC)
-I'll see you inside, Richard. -Lovely, thank you.
(GIRLS GIGGLE)
(GROANING DRUNKENLY)
-What are you staring at? -You.
What's so special about me?
-You're beautiful. -(GIGGLING)
No, you are!
And now... (CLEARS THROAT)
(JAMES SHUSHING)
For my friends, my very special friends,
my version of "The Mad Conductor"!
(GIRLS LAUGH)
I would like to take this opportunity to say that in the whole of Yorkshire
there is no finer gentleman than T Farnon Esq.
Are you winding me up, friend?
My stumbling sentences cannot express...
-(WHISPERS) Cannot express... -Too kind!
(LAUGHS)
It's a privilege. It's a rare privilege!
When you two finish rubbing noses,
-could I have another drink? -Yes!
(SINGING) #Beer, beer, glorious beer
# Fill yourselves right up to here
# Up to here #
Mr. Worley, if you please.
(BOTH MUTTERING DRUNKENLY)
Your attention, please.
(IMITATING ITALIAN ACCENT) Signor Mussolini conducts the neurasthenic strings.
(ALL CHUCKLING)
(BOTH IMITATING INSTRUMENTS TUNING)
(CLEARING THROAT)
(VOCALISING MELODY)
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
(SINGING) # On Ilkla Moor baht 'at
baht'at, baht'at #
(JAMES SLURS DRUNKENLY)
(LAUGHS)
Forward!
Drink a drink to my brother's practice!
My lady!
(JAMES HUMMING)
-Oh, hello! Come and join us. -This is Brenda.
Excuse me.
Come on, Tristan, tuck in.
-James, she's here. -What?
Helen, she's here, James.
What?
James.
Hello, James.
Oh, Helen, it's you.
Richard, I think you know James Herriot, don't you?
Yes, of course. Hello, Herriot.
Hello.
Brenda, where are you?
CONNIE: Ooh! JAMES: Oh!
No, don't touch it, 'cause you'll cut your finger.
Oh, dear, I do feel queer!
(GAGS)
(BAND BEGINS PLAYING)
Helen!
I think you ought to look after your friend, James.
But Helen, I must explain!
So long, old boy.
Good night, James.